Register to ask Dr. Bo a question, or comment on any question/answer.
Register!

one moment please...


Bo takes a critical thinking-, reason-, and science-based approach to issues that matter with the goal of educating and entertaining. You create the show by submitting your questions here. Bo has a PhD in social psychology, but covers a broad range of topics including: Science Education (scientific method, what is / is not science, etc.), Success, Entrepreneurship, Motivation, General Psychology, Social Psychology, Positive Psychology (well-being, flourishing, happiness, etc.), Cognitive Psychology (belief, cognitive biases, memory, our flawed brain, etc.), General Social Science, Critical Thinking, Logical Fallacies, Humanism / Secularism, and even some Philosophy. All (reasonable) questions will be answered here, and some will be the material for the Dr. Bo Show.

The first two years of shows have been compiled into the book, Reason: Book I. This book is available in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook through Amazon and all major ebook retailers.

Q&A Home Contact Form



Send me a copy of this message
Send Message sending message...

Q&A Home Question

0

votes

image loading...
Anonymous
kindness
nice
Wed, Oct 26, 2016 - 08:30 AM

What is the difference between being nice and being kind?



Quick Comment On This Question (no login required):
Your comment below will be anonymously sent to the question owner, it will not be posted, and you will not get a response.

Send Comment sending comment...

1 Answer

0

votes
Answer Accepted!

image loading...
Bo Bennett, PhD
Host, Doctor of Social Psychology

Moderator

image loading...

Bo Bennett, PhD

Host, Doctor of Social Psychology

Moderator

About Bo Bennett, PhD

I am the host of this show :) For my complete bio, please see http://www.bobennett.com.
PrintWed, Oct 26, 2016 - 08:30 AM
Many years ago while out jogging, I ran into a store because I had to pee badly. The person at the counter was a middle-aged woman with a thick southern accent and a smile on her face that would light up any room. I asked if they had a bathroom I could use, and the cheerful woman informed me that the bathroom was for customers only. I explained to her that I did not have my wallet on me, but otherwise I would be happy to buy something. Without dropping her smile, she said “I am sorry about that sir, but the restrooms are for customers only. Have a wonderful day.” I really didn’t detect any sarcasm or bitterness; she was simply a really nice person who didn’t care about my problems in the least bit. My fourth-grade teacher was the opposite of the counter lady. He was a mean bastard that nobody liked very much, but went out of his way to work with students to make sure they understood the material. He was even known to show up at the students’ houses on the weekends (uninvited) for one-on-one tutoring sessions for those who he felt needed it. This teacher was not pleasant nor was he agreeable—he was, as we put in the fourth grade—a dick. But he was a kind dick who cared more about the well-being of his students than any other teacher I have ever had. On the last day of school, this mean bastard cried like a baby.

Too few people understand that there is a difference between being nice and being kind. Niceness is behavior expressed in facial expressions and language that results in a positive experience, whereas kindness is behavior expressed in action resulting in a positive experience. While similar, acts of kindness generally lead to far greater positive experiences with more utility. Niceness can often be shallow, unauthentic, and useless. Here are some examples:

When a friend’s loved one dies, nice people offer condolences or “thoughts and prayers.” Kind people offer their help, cook a meal for their friend, or stop by and spend time with their friend.
A nice friend will say you look great. A nice and kind friend will tell you that you look great, except for that piece of lettuce in your teeth.
A nice police officer will enthusiastically say “good morning” to you. A nice and kind police officer will enthusiastically say “good morning” to you while helping you put the groceries in your car.
A person who is nice to dogs will greet dogs and say “good doggie.” A person who is kind to dogs will donate to a local animal shelter or adopt one or more dogs from a shelter.
A nice politician will greet people with smiles and say hello to everyone. A kind politician will authentically care about people and do something to make their lives better.


Being kind and being nice are not mutually exclusive. There is no reason your facial expressions and words can’t match your actions. The next time you think you’re being nice, ask yourself how you can be kind, as well.
Bo Bennett, PhD
My Latest Book: https://www.uncomfortable-ideas.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thedrboshow/
About Me: http://www.bobennett.com

Podcast Episode: The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind

Subscribe via iTunes! and please leave a review there if you like this podcast!



Quick Comment On This Answer (no login required):
Your comment below will be anonymously sent to the answer owner, it will not be posted, and you will not get a response.

Send Comment sending comment...

Registered User Comments




 Copyright 2017, Archieboy Holdings, LLC.